Hello 2020!

So I went 6 months without blogging… 2020 huh… what a year already. And we’re only half way through!
What have I been up to then? Well, loads… and then nothing… so thats been interesting!

I finished my degree. It was intense, I got a 1st. I’m still recovering and already it feels like it never happened. My graduation has been postponed, who knows for how long, and I’m gutted about it because it was a final mark in the sand saying ‘I did this, it was hard and I f*cking nailed it’.

I cut my hair short - I guess this means I can cross something off my 30 after 30 list now - and I love it. Though its currently not been cut for 3 months and looks a bit of a state. I still love it short though. Also now its July, I’m getting it cut this month (eep).

I worked on some exciting projects at work which made me feel like a proper engineer. And then Covid-19 hit, the world came to a stop and I was put on furlough for 6 weeks. Boy, is furlough a ride when you already have anxiety and depression that needs almost constant distractions (blog name is still appropriate ha) - with work being the best distraction for getting me out of the house and keeping my brain busy. All of a sudden I was distraction less, stuck at home, feeling useless and invaluable. I’m back at work now, feeling much better and I really hope it stays that way.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom - I did make quite a few blankets in furlough… oh and I developed my own film for the first time. So thats something right! I have film photos to share finally. I didn’t stop taking them, even if I did stop sharing them for a while. I also have had a ridiculous number of cuddles with our cats - which was the definite highlight, I won’t lie. Anyone who has had to earn a cat cuddle knows how wonderful they are.

On a final note, and most importantly. Black lives matter. Trans lives matter. Who you are is valid and special and I love you - for you exactly as you are. Thank you for being here. I’ve missed you x

Who I am - 2019 edition

Ten(!) years ago I wrote a blog post called Who I am. I was 24, I was soooo young. I was so different - I was exactly the same. So I thought, to celebrate my blog being 10 years old and still going (and my 34th birthday, happy birthday me) I’d write a new who I am post.

I am 34 years old - and I still often feel a lot older.
Especially around younger people and children who look at me as an adult.
I no longer get asked for ID since I stopped dying my hair. This annoys me (ha!) but I love my hair, so I get over it.

I am a daughter, a big sister and now, an Auntie!
No matter how far away I live from my family, I’m always these things.
And now I have a car too (which I can drive!) - so its easy peasy to get to them all.

I’m also now a cat lover and cat guardian (we have 2 cats!)
I had no idea that cats were so delightful, affectionate, silly, adorable and loving.
My cats are the best. Don’t @ me

I am in love...
I would not be who I am without him.
We’ve now been together for half of our lives.
I love him more and more.
Sometimes I think I might explode with it.
I haven’t yet…

I am still technically an Interior Designer
but now I’m also a lighting designer AND an electrical engineer.
And I’ve been doing both of those last two things for over a year - and they even tie loosely into Interior Design.
I still don’t quite believe it.

I have two books on Amazon.
I don’t remember what I wrote in the one with 3 stars
But it appears to have divided its audience lol
I’m more amused than upset by the mixed reviews, it feels like I wrote it a lifetime ago.

I am still easily excited and short
I still like both of these things about me.
I like more about me the older I get.

I am impatient.
I still want to travel but we now have a beautiful garden and TWO kittens.
24 year old me wouldn’t believe it if I told her.

I am still not sure what I want to do in the future.
I am looking forward to it though.

I still love yellow, roast vegetables and making blankets
I still love taking photos and exploring new places
I still love blogging and sharing silly words with you all

I am the same, I am different, I am more than I was 10 years ago.

I have experienced more than I had at 24.
grief, depression, chronic illness.
I had anxiety then, I just didn’t know what to call it.
I was happy.

I am still happy.
Even when I am sad.

30 AFTER 30

Today is my 30th birthday! Happy birthday me! :)

(Photo from last night rounding off my twenties with cocktails! So much fun!)

I always see those 30 before 30 posts around but if there is one thing I've learnt in my last 29 years its that I'm not disciplined or organised for before lists hahaha. I always admire people who look like they have their sh*t together though . So I decided to write an 'after' 30 list... in the pretence that one day I might get my sh*t together too haha. Though I guess its really more of a bucket list.

Here goes:

1. Go on the longest zipline in the UK. I don't know anyone who would go with me but its definitely number 1 on the list ha. And why not bump it up to the longest zip lines in the world - amazing!!
   

2. Visit the Grand Canyon. Not a small goal I know, but as its a bucket list, I might as well go big or go home!
   

3. Do something radical with my hair - I have no idea what - maybe a pixie cut or rainbow hair dye haha, but something a bit different that's really not playing it safe. I'll probably hate it. Update: I cut it short, I love it.
   

4. Donate my hair. Now that I don't dye my hair this is something I've been thinking about doing and if I grow it really long and cut it short - thats pretty radical right ;)
   

5. Figure out my personal style. My Dad bought a book for himself on Gentleman's style last year and although I giggled a bit, I actually thought it was great that he wanted to present himself how he wants. I've put together secret boards on Pinterest of clothes I like on other people, but when I look at them and think "would I actually wear that?" the answer is usually no. Any tips for short, hourglass shapes who likes layers and not showing much flesh would be very much appreciated!
   

6. Look at the stars in Northumberland at Dark Skies Park. I love stars.
   

7. Oh thinking about it - I need to see the stars in the Southern Hemisphere somewhere too! I'll look the best place for that one up!
   

8. Road trip around the UK. The more I travel around the UK the more I realise I haven't seen much of it at all. I suppose I need to learn to drive first...
   

9. Learn to drive :)
   
   In fact there's so much I want to learn, so here's a quick list of things to learn:
   

10. Learn how to make croissants (who doesn't love pastry?)

11. Learn how to make a really good sauce.

12. Learn how to sing (our neighbours are going to love me singing in the shower even more!)

13. Learn how to knit (I'm on with this one but I'm excited about it!) Update: Still not as great as I would like but I’m made quite a few things now.

14. Learn how to sew and actually use my sewing machine.

15. Learn to play an instrument - but what instrument?

16. Do 3 random courses on Coursera and learn about things I don't know about. Update: I did a degree and a diploma on Lighting and Building Services, so this one is being crossed off!
    

17. Get a tattoo. Another thing I never expected to want to do - especially after one of my aunts freaked me out by trying to convince me to get one on my boob when I was a teenager ha. But one day, I think it will be the right time and for the right reason. I'm quite taken with constellation tattoos at the moment - I do love stars.
    

18. #yogaeverydamnday - I would love to be one of those people who does yoga everyday - but seriously - where do people find the time? I know... you make the time... but where?! I'll figure it out at some point. I'm determined.
    

19. Start and complete a photography project. I always have ideas of things but I never find one that really sticks. I'll keep thinking over this one. Update: I did a 366 project in 2016 and thinking of doing more every leap year!
    

20. Go all out at the Edinburgh Fringe. See as many things as we can, eat in the nicest places, stay at a lovely hotel.... like I said before. Go big or go home ha.
    

21. Watch a thunderstorm in Italy. I'm one of those weird people who loves storms and the UK is pretty rubbish for them, so to see a spectacular one in another country would be amazing. I wouldn't go as far as chasing storms though don't worry.
    

22. Volunteer for The Dog's Trust (or any dogs home really - maybe even foster some dogs?).
    

23. Walk the Three Peaks. And do more walking challenges. Getting my Fitbit was one of the best decisions I ever made and I know now that I really love walking. I would also love a walking holiday around the Lake District.
    

24. Eat at at least ten places featured on Diners, Drives Ins and Dives or You Gotta Eat Here. Oh boy it all looks so good! These TV shows are so dangerous ha.
    

25. Make my own clothes - either by sewing, crochet or knitting - hopefully even all three!
    

26. Successfully plant and manage a garden (when we finally buy a house). I'd love to have a lovely garden that I've created and can maintain.
    

27. Go away for a weekend on my own - Thomas isn't going to like this one ha. But since dealing with depression and recovering from it slowly every day, I realise how much I want to have time to myself, to heal, to grow, to like spending time with myself and I'd love to be brave enough to just do it and enjoy it.
    

28. Do something completely random that no one would expect and love it. I know this is a bit vague but I always feel like I play life so safe, I want to so something new and say yes to an experience that I never thought I'd have - I think I'll wait to say yes to it rather than decide on what exactly that is. Hear that Universe - I'm ready when you are. Update: Got completely into Tarot. Didn’t expect it, absolutely love it. I’m totally open to more new experiences though Universe :D
    

29. Try a vegan diet for a month. Update: Tried it but after cutting out gluten as well, it made me feel quite ill. I’m sad about that, but gluten free vegan is crazy hard, not suited to me and impractical for me too unfortunately.
    

30. And finally, anyone who knows this won't be surprised... get a puppy. Or ten. Part of me is still heartbroken that I don't have one at 30 - I thought it would be the one thing I'd definitely do by this age but as Thomas keeps reminding me 'one day' and one day its going to be amazing!

What do you think? Have I missed anything that particularly screams "do this in my 30's" ? I'm pretty excited about it on the whole - I hope I actually do get my sh*z together and actually do them too :)

8. A selfie

A bit of a selfie fail from the Lomo store in Paris, but I like it and that is my favourite skirt...

- I'm taking part in Susannah Conway's August Break - find more information here -