Hey! This is me...
and ultimately, this blog is me!

It's my little world.

I was walking to work this morning and as I got to the front door, my favourite boss (yeah I have favourites...) who was also approaching the door, said 'Hey Rhianne' and... I completely blanked him - I was listening to my ipod - I was thinking about this post - I was looking at the floor so I didn't slip on the insanely slippery slabs that Yorkshire has (is that just a Yorkshire thing? I think so...) I was in my own little world.

As I realised he was there, I looked up (jumped) and said 'Hey! Sorry, I was in my own little world' and he said smiling.

'That's alright, we should all have our own little worlds...'

Gah! Most perfect response ever?! And I believe him, we should!

Anyway, the point of this now rather wordy post (sorry) is that really I haven't been honest in my little world... and I think thats why I've been struggling to post...

So here is a little honesty...

Approaching 500+ followers absolutely terrifies me!

(theres more of you through reader, eep!)

I wrote on Nicole's anonymous post recently about how I felt... and thinking about it, I don't know why I shouldn't share it on here - so here goes...

"I constantly worry about my blog, it's the only thing keeping me sane at the moment and the only thing I really put alot of effort into (my job sucks) But I worry that people will find me boring or that they think I'm just copying someone else... Having more readers has made me worry about it even more, I get upset if I lose followers and I'm sad that I don't get more comments then I did when I had less people read it...I know I shouldn't be bothered and that my blog is for me (and it is, I love it) but putting something out there in the internet world that you truly love, something that balances out all the negativity in your life is pretty scary... I wish it didn't bother me but I love reading other peoples blogs and I guess I just want people to enjoy mine as much as I enjoy theirs... "

I should probably also say that my job doesn't suck that much - I was having a very bad work day... I quite enjoy it when it's a good day.

This isn't about being a 'popular' blog or statistics - in fact I haven't checked my stats properly since I stopped my sponsors - its been a huge relief to me not to have to worry about them. It's about putting your world out there and making connections. Right now I feel a little like I'm on a podium in front of a massive 500 strong brick wall and I don't want that - I want to be in a 500 strong crowd, mingling, saying hi...

When I first started getting followers I used to say hi to each one - it was fun, I got to see people's blogs and share them with everyone else, I got to make a connection and say "Hi, I'm so glad you're here!" but honestly, a few other people started to do that too and it didn't seem as personal to me anymore - then I hit 200 and completely lost track of everyone - keeping track of 200 people is hard... also the blogger followers thing is rubbish - there's not always a link to blogs and new people don't always show up when I click on them... why isn't there a nice list somewhere of who follows you so I can just say hi?! Bah!

I read constantly about people saying that your blog should be for you and this blog is for me - but now it's also for you - and I don't think there is anything wrong with that - I'm not ashamed to be a little sad that people stop following my blog - they essentially stop being in my little world and I'm sad they didn't want to stay... I'm not ashamed that I want more people to comment... and I don't think there should be a stigma about wanting people to enjoy your blog and make a connection with you.

Essentially this post comes down to why I blog and where I want to go with my blog...

I started my blog because I was lonely and bored and I really don't cope very well with either of those two things... the posts stop me from being bored and the comments stop me from being lonely... I want comments because I want to talk to people - I want to comment back, I want to visit people's blogs - I want to have the 'conversation' that I hear so many pro bloggers talk about...

and as for where I want to go with my blog - I don't want to go anywhere - I love it how it is - if anything I need to find myself again and make sure it stays true to me and what I love...

it is my own little world afterall...

If you've read this all, thank you - and if you don't leave a comment (I hate the word lurker) that's fine - I can imagine you're not here to hear me emotionally splurge all over my blog - but if you want to just say hi - make a connection - then please do.

I truly do appreciate everyone who reads my blog - I just think we should get to know each other a bit better, don't you?

p.s It's the 1st of Oct and I should be featuring an etsy shop right now but I needed to get this out... I'll post it on Monday instead...

p.p.s. Happy weekend :)

p.p.p.s. I finally got a pic of me as a bridesmaid on here, haha